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Tyler
(@nous)
Active Member
Joined: 7 months ago
Posts: 7
09/12/2020 2:11 pm  

Just joined, doesn't seem very active here but I am not surprised.  Was hoping I would be able to engage with a lot of like minded people here but it seems to be a pretty accurate representation of the real world, not many out there that are involved with gnostic concepts.  

 

For anyone that may be here, I am curious as to what your views are on sex.  Many gnostic texts suggest that a persons goal should be to transcend the traps of physical pleasure and the senses, and they say while a person is focused on obtaining physical pleasure they are not able to think from a higher state of mind.  

 

Have had trouble with this lately.  I totally agree that while pursuing these pleasures it can prevent higher forms of thought.  But there is also a certain type of growth that occurs from having sex in my opinion.  In some ways I almost believe you have to interact with the material world to ever transcend it.  Maybe this is just me making excuses because I enjoy sex.  I just got out of a relationship because I want to focus more on myself and channel more productive thoughts so I can manifest the life that want and need.  But, giving up the sex has been difficult.  It is getting easier the more time goes on but there are still days where I feel the desire controlling me.  

 

Do you feel sex is something that has to be given up completely in order to live a spiritually enlightened/fulfilling life?


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psybernaut
(@psybernaut)
Active Member
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 6
10/12/2020 7:38 pm  

Hi Tyler,

Welcome to the community. 

Yes, true datttt. I was also expecting more activity here but maybe one of the reasons could be that its a bit soon yet... But yeah, here I am excited to see a new thread and actually a good one 😉

Posted by: @nous

Maybe this is just me making excuses because I enjoy sex. 

Hahahaha, Intelligence! This sentence, shows how much you are seeking the truth! Good observation, but maybe if we change perspective, there is no problem with that part either.

Posted by: @nous

Have had trouble with this lately.  I totally agree that while pursuing these pleasures it can prevent higher forms of thought.  But there is also a certain type of growth that occurs from having sex in my opinion

Tyler, totally with you there. I guess it would have been much easier to understand this if they could explain it in terms of energy! To me, it has always been about the preservation & channeling of the Prana. If we just assume that we care about our prana, then it becomes rather important where we spend it. So, ejaculation is not necessary means a waste of prana in the world of practical magick, but could definitely be part of the puzzle on magician's agenda. On the other hand, tantric sex has it's own purpose and that is to channel the prana into the Sushumna and conveys the serpentine fire up through the spine.


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Tyler
(@nous)
Active Member
Joined: 7 months ago
Posts: 7
10/12/2020 11:47 pm  

@psybernaut

 

I am not well read when it comes to prana, magick, only know about tantric sex on a very superficial level and have no idea what Sushumna is.  

Totally drained from all of the hurdles that kept appearing before me today in my attempt to start my business, otherwise I would spend the night reading into some of these things. Maybe in the coming weeks. 

 

I do have more to add this post.  Might not be a good idea since I am so exhausted but I was thinking today about how different men and women are.  It seems we are both completely driven by sexual impulses the majority of the time whether it be in pursuit of pleasure or avoiding the pursuit of pleasure.  And men and women seem to display these drives in two completely different ways, leaving them in two completely separate states of mind.  I am a completely different person with completely different motivations when I am pursuing sex.  And it honestly terrifies me to an extent because when I really desire sex, but am trying to avoid fulfilling the desire, I essentially just lie to myself and tell myself I don't need it and don't want it and won't allow the desire to direct my behavior but without fail every time it does until I get what I subconsciously desire.  It completely controls me.  Even when I seem to control my behavior and abstain, I am constantly thinking about how I am abstaining and either filling myself with pride for doing so or fantasizing about breaking the abstinence.  

And then when I have been having a lot of sex, I start feeling a sort of shame and I don't feel good about myself.  But, when I have been abstaining I start feeling 'too pure'... sort of like when you are a child and you have never really done anything wrong but all your friends are doing something wrong and you feel like you have to do it.  I wish I could just not feel this, and remain in the pure state and feel confident and good about doing so.  This has single handedly thrown me off so many positive streaks in my life.  I feel bad for behaving better than most people or doing better than most people.  

 


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psybernaut
(@psybernaut)
Active Member
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 6
13/12/2020 12:13 pm  
Posted by: @nous

It seems we are both completely driven by sexual impulses the majority of the time whether it be in pursuit of pleasure or avoiding the pursuit of pleasure.  And men and women seem to display these drives in two completely different ways, leaving them in two completely separate states of mind.

I think you put it in a very good way here! the same impulse ends up having different manifestation in two separate bodies and thats because of the principles of polarity. Actually the effect is the same, but the body through which it gets manifested makes it looks like a completely different thing and that's where all illusions start to kick in. If the two person can comprehend this illusion, then its Union! The sole purpose of tantric practices.

Posted by: @nous

And it honestly terrifies me to an extent because when I really desire sex, but am trying to avoid fulfilling the desire, I essentially just lie to myself and tell myself I don't need it and don't want it and won't allow the desire to direct my behavior but without fail every time it does until I get what I subconsciously desire.  It completely controls me

Isn't that because you try so hard to take control?

I mean, taming the subconscious instincts is one of the most tricky things! Every element of our psyche could be considered as an autonomous entity which seeks life (Prana). To disable these elements, one won't succeed to do this in normal state of consciousness (Waking conscious) until one's conscious mind has the privilege of overwriting the subconscious mind which won't happen until one masters the four primary element . The psyche has been designed to work waterfall in nature which means that the unconscious mind overwrites the subconscious, & the subcosncious overwrites the conscious-mind.

Posted by: @nous

Even when I seem to control my behavior and abstain, I am constantly thinking about how I am abstaining and either filling myself with pride for doing so or fantasizing about breaking the abstinence.  

Thats how exactly your unconscious mind tries to control you back. You are trying to short circuit a psychic element so it doesn't drain you and at the same time it leverages other elements to drain you anyway.

Posted by: @nous

This has single handedly thrown me off so many positive streaks in my life.  I feel bad for behaving better than most people or doing better than most people.  

 

Why should be a comparison at all? I mean, it all starts when we think about it... Do we really need to think or judge either ourselves or others ?

I also think, part of the story relates to the fact that we are used to loose the life-foce. Modern life-style doesn't require high frequency to survive, so when one lives in higher frequency through preservation of one's life-force, the dissociation starts. Thats where Ego-complex kicks in to prevent this from happening and thats exactly when one starts to compare/judge/... get involve in the game of duality...

This post was modified 7 months ago by psybernaut

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dreamer
(@dreamer)
Active Member
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 11
17/12/2020 9:20 pm  
Posted by: @psybernaut

I mean, taming the subconscious instincts is one of the most tricky things! Every element of our psyche could be considered as an autonomous entity which seeks life (Prana). To disable these elements, one won't succeed to do this in normal state of consciousness (Waking conscious) until one's conscious mind has the privilege of overwriting the subconscious mind which won't happen until one masters the four primary element . The psyche has been designed to work waterfall in nature which means that the unconscious mind overwrites the subconscious, & the subcosncious overwrites the conscious-mind.

Is it really not possible at all in normal states of consciousness? Through meditation maybe?

And when you say Mastering the four primary elements, I couldnt find any material on the given page. would love to hear more if you can share 🙂 


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Tyler
(@nous)
Active Member
Joined: 7 months ago
Posts: 7
18/12/2020 11:27 pm  
Posted by: @psybernaut
Posted by: @nous

It seems we are both completely driven by sexual impulses the majority of the time whether it be in pursuit of pleasure or avoiding the pursuit of pleasure.  And men and women seem to display these drives in two completely different ways, leaving them in two completely separate states of mind.

I think you put it in a very good way here! the same impulse ends up having different manifestation in two separate bodies and thats because of the principles of polarity. Actually the effect is the same, but the body through which it gets manifested makes it looks like a completely different thing and that's where all illusions start to kick in. If the two person can comprehend this illusion, then its Union! The sole purpose of tantric practices.

Posted by: @nous

And it honestly terrifies me to an extent because when I really desire sex, but am trying to avoid fulfilling the desire, I essentially just lie to myself and tell myself I don't need it and don't want it and won't allow the desire to direct my behavior but without fail every time it does until I get what I subconsciously desire.  It completely controls me

Isn't that because you try so hard to take control?

I mean, taming the subconscious instincts is one of the most tricky things! Every element of our psyche could be considered as an autonomous entity which seeks life (Prana). To disable these elements, one won't succeed to do this in normal state of consciousness (Waking conscious) until one's conscious mind has the privilege of overwriting the subconscious mind which won't happen until one masters the four primary element . The psyche has been designed to work waterfall in nature which means that the unconscious mind overwrites the subconscious, & the subcosncious overwrites the conscious-mind.

Posted by: @nous

Even when I seem to control my behavior and abstain, I am constantly thinking about how I am abstaining and either filling myself with pride for doing so or fantasizing about breaking the abstinence.  

Thats how exactly your unconscious mind tries to control you back. You are trying to short circuit a psychic element so it doesn't drain you and at the same time it leverages other elements to drain you anyway.

Posted by: @nous

This has single handedly thrown me off so many positive streaks in my life.  I feel bad for behaving better than most people or doing better than most people.  

 

Why should be a comparison at all? I mean, it all starts when we think about it... Do we really need to think or judge either ourselves or others ?

I also think, part of the story relates to the fact that we are used to loose the life-foce. Modern life-style doesn't require high frequency to survive, so when one lives in higher frequency through preservation of one's life-force, the dissociation starts. Thats where Ego-complex kicks in to prevent this from happening and thats exactly when one starts to compare/judge/... get involve in the game of duality...

But it seems so hard to not get involved in that game.   When I am living my best life, when I am doing what I know I need to do for my best benefit, others, even and especially my own family, they don't see the benefit they only see my actions.  I have been thinking lately about how I always spent so much time in solitude growing up, and I think my parents always viewed this as a bad thing and my friends viewed this as a symptom of some kind of depression... and at times it was but to me it was a necessary process of contemplation I had to go through and really, at a very deep and fundamental level this process was something I intentionally entered into.  Eventually I started feeling guilt though when my parents really started hassling me about my life style.  And that's when I started breaking away from all my books and contemplating and found myself making advances in the material world and having more and more sexual desires.  And now that I am approaching 29 years old my mother is always hassling me about finding a woman and having kids.  

But, I'm realizing now that the space I was in before, the solitude and isolation, that is where I have to be if this life is ever going to be what it can be.  Otherwise I will always have a voice, an unrealized potential in the back of my mind and a general dissatisfaction with whatever I end up with. 

I find it very hard to mentally say to myself "fuck what my parents think" even though their perceptions are shallow, unloving, unaccepting, presumptive, and really if considered, detrimental to the person I am trying to become.  I live near to them because at one point I relied on them financially, and I guess there is a mutual benefit in living near to them, both financially and I guess just in general.  If I run out of food I can just walk over there and grab something.  If they need something from the store I can just pick it up for them.  If I want to talk about something I can just go over there for dinner.... they might be the worst at reciprocating a constructive conversation but it's better than talking to myself.  I don't have many friends I can say I trust with everything in my life.. And I don't like putting too much of myself out there at all. But anyways, I guess what I am saying is I find it hard to grow into the person I know I can be because I am always trying to keep the 'me' I present to them in this certain 'mold'.  If i had it my way I would just move away and not talk to them for a year.  BUt part of me feels like I need to find a partner and have kids just to satisfy my mother.  

I also feel like because my father is a very hands on, mechanically oriented person...not very analytical or intelligent when it comes to the bigger picture of life and humanity/spirituality/emotions/human psychology/etc.etc.etc., he looks at me like a total failure.. I have so often been inspired to do things with my mind, I loved writing growing up, and any of these ideas I would talk about were just ignored.  So I feel like instead of pursuing these interests I have developed a habit of shooting myself down, I assumed the world was what my father thought, and that all of my ideas and really the knowledge I was aquiring was useless.  And to this day I feel like I dumb myself down when I am in his presence.  I guess more recently I have started to really understand that, contrary to what I would like to believe about my father, he just has a very limited perception of his world.  Growing up whenever I would suggest this I was guilted into thinking I was just a naïve and cynical 'punk'.  I guess it is true what they say, that you cannot offer a 'fool' the truth, because the truth will drive them mad.  There is some deep underlying reason why they choose to view the world the way they do.  They might not even be conscious of it themselves.  So really there is just no talking to them.  And this really saddened me growing up and realizing it all over again, it saddens me now.  

I don't want to leave my family behind in order to have a life of my own but it looks like I am going to have to.  I didn't want to leave my friends behind either but I had to.  And I had to get involved in the game of judging others and the duality of deciphering good and bad.  When I spend all of my days examining and analyzing my own thoughts and behaviors and inputs into my world, and I am dead set on trying to manifest a future that is healthy and prosperous, I can't be careless about the energy, behaviors and patterns I associate myself with.  I still love each and every person from my past.  But I am completely different from the person they grew up with.  I presume this is how it will end up once I finally do leave my parents and move far from them.  I think they will quickly grow to resent me if I begin reaching the potential I know I can, because they never believed in me to do so... they don't see it in me.  I think my mother would much rather me knock some girl up who isn't really right for me, give her grandkids, and live here until she dies.  My parents have never really 'heard' me, they are preoccupied with the 'image' of me.  

 

I am definitely on a new course though as of late... my perceptions and feelings are changing quickly... I'm no longer really worried about this feeling of seeming 'too good'. I just know what I have to do.  Could just be because I've spent the last week or so really working on myself.  And once I get to be around a lot of other people with less than desirable habits and behaviors I could give in.  I guess that is what my issue is.  Giving up on my set path to fit in with people who don't respect the notion that people have their own path.  And I find it has always been impossible to explain or make them respect it.  They would much sooner just judge me for being different.  

 

I apologize for writing so much!  Drank a bunch of coffee for a final exam this morning.  But back to the sex... I was reading about tantric sex last night actually.  It was mentioned in a book I was reading, and it seemed like a subject I could delve into and possibly satisfy my craving for sexual exploration without actually having sex, or if I do have sex it would be less associated with an unconscious impulse.  But reading about tantric sex... I feel as though I was having tantric sex often with my last partner.  In the end it became very compulsive and unconscious... and destructive.  But, in the beginning and even when it was destructive, I swear I could feel their sensations and they could feel mine. I had never experienced anything like it.  This might sound crazy, but before this sex I might as well have never had sex before.  It is absolutely amazing how thin the line/boundaries between us and another individuals whole being really are.  They are almost non existent, I mean once you really start trying to move passed them I think you realize they are non existent.. they are fictional illusions that we somehow learn to take so fucking seriously out of fear, intimidation, our own insecurity, etc.  But before sex with this person, my orgasm was my orgasm, and I never really knew if the other person had an orgasm.  Before this sex, I had always been alone in this world.  I'm pretty sure this person thinks I am just a guy who only wants sex, but it is not just the craving for sex it is a craving for that unity that I never felt before.  Sex with this person changed the way I saw and interacted with the world honestly.  You go through life thinking its just you, and your body, and no one will ever penetrate that or understand you or feel what you feel.  But when I have sex with this person, there were occasions where everytime the feeling peaked in my body they would scream in pleasure and I never experienced that before... we were feeling the exact same thing and at the exact same time.  Maybe this is how sex is for everyone, and maybe it isn't tantric sex, but reading the descriptions of tantric sex, it sounded just like what I experienced.  

I mean this sex has changed the way I look at many things.  Birth, relationships, emotions.... Relationships were always so separate even though they were together.  Now, I realize every step of a relationship matters.  It's like you are building a house with every date, every moment.  And I Just feel disgusted with how I used to look at sex like this arbitrary thing... people fuck and people get pregnant and that's just it.  Even when I got into spirituality and understood the body and genetics were much more than just these fleshy concepts but were part of a larger much more magical process.... I still didn't see the magic of conception or birth.. But after sex with this person and having an orgasm at the same time and sharing the same exact feeling moving through us both .... while the people we were before that moment seemed to just escape somewhere else together... like that is fucking out right magic and everyone just over looks it.  Two become one, and create one in the process, and yet so many manage to enjoy this activity as two completely separate beings.  

As I reflect on this I think that maybe I have just been more alone in my life than most people.  And because of this I appreciate this more , and am much less desensitized to it than most.  Even though I felt all this and it blew my mind, I sort of doubt my partner really thought much of it.  I never realized until being involved with her, that some people have never been alone, ever!  If you have never experienced separateness from everything, if you have always been in communion with everything, constantly feeling everything as one... how can you appreciate it as being the magical impossibility that it is.. You just see it as being how it always has been, completely unaware that you are enveloped in the great mystery behind so many works of art. 

At first I want to look down on this person for never having had the courage to go it alone or be alone.  But I guess if I was born into a family who never allowed for that, maybe because they were always just there and open and always had love to give, never allowing the distance to grow... I probably would have never saw a reason to find my self alone.  And if I saw it was an option it would have appeared to be cold and painful and unnecessary.  But I presume these people must see people who are or have been alone and at least subconsciously gather that they benefited from it.  

I don't know.  It is all so crazy.  This experience of being alive is crazy.  And in seeing all that I see today, it is insane to think that the majority of human beings on this planet do not see it. Also insane to realize that so many do, but they keep it to themselves because they are few and far between.  I have to say throughout my life I always felt like, well, I am a male so it is often thought impossible for a male to be a 'slut', but as far as 'love' goes, I always had trouble with the idea of monogamy or a soul mate... because I always thought to myself 'I could literally love anyone'  And reading about tantric sex I see this is common in a lot of tantric circles.  People seem to have this tantric sexual experience just for this experience of unity, and who they are or who the other person is, is peripheral, it doesn't really matter.  I always have craved this I think... I just associated the craving with a deviant promiscuity or a desire to conquer many women.  But now I see it as more of a craving for this unity, this connection, this remembrance, a recognition of this love that we forget exists which permeates self and other infinitely, always.  

Maybe this is at the root of so many sexual behaviors that go awry... maybe because people never learn to allow this understanding to fall on them completely they are chasing the pleasure without understanding it.  Perhaps submissive behaviors are rooted in an apprehensive desire to be in that state of selflessness, and dominating behaviors are rooted in a desire to govern within this state, maybe even to bring the self into the selfless.... to bring the ego where it really has no place.  And it seems ironically fitting that these energies so often come together and compliment one another.  Submissive person entices the dominant person with the illusion of control when ultimately the submissive person is controlling their experience and the dominant person loses control both in the pursuit and in the final release. Almost as if this unity that is experienced, is consciously choreographing each persons behavior, a sort of possession.  And tantric sex, is our way of experiencing the unity without being unconsciously possessed/guided/manipulated.   

 

Enough of that for today! 


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psybernaut
(@psybernaut)
Active Member
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 6
23/12/2020 5:48 pm  
Posted by: @nous

But it seems so hard to not get involved in that game.   When I am living my best life, when I am doing what I know I need to do for my best benefit, others, even and especially my own family, they don't see the benefit they only see my actions.  I have been thinking lately about how I always spent so much time in solitude growing up, and I think my parents always viewed this as a bad thing and my friends viewed this as a symptom of some kind of depression... and at times it was but to me it was a necessary process of contemplation I had to go through and really, at a very deep and fundamental level this process was something I intentionally entered into.  Eventually I started feeling guilt though when my parents really started hassling me about my life style.  And that's when I started breaking away from all my books and contemplating and found myself making advances in the material world and having more and more sexual desires.  And now that I am approaching 29 years old my mother is always hassling me about finding a woman and having kids.  

But, I'm realizing now that the space I was in before, the solitude and isolation, that is where I have to be if this life is ever going to be what it can be.  Otherwise I will always have a voice, an unrealized potential in the back of my mind and a general dissatisfaction with whatever I end up with. 

That is exactly why we are here in this community 🙂 The fact that we all have been more or less walking the same path!

I totally understand this Tyler! and this is the path of the Hermit ... The Isolation and Individuation! This is because there is a strong call from your spirit which seeks you hard ... The reason for the "general dissatisfaction with whatever I end up with" is an inner potentials which you are here to explore ... unless you find your inner light, all those external ones going to dim out as you achieve them!

But, at the same time, having a partner is not necessarily in contradiction with finding one's inner light! All you need is a right partner and a conscious form of relationship (This has been the whole point of Tantra).

Posted by: @nous

they might be the worst at reciprocating a constructive conversation but it's better than talking to myself.  I don't have many friends I can say I trust with everything in my life.. And I don't like putting too much of myself out there at all. But anyways, I guess what I am saying is I find it hard to grow into the person I know I can be because I am always trying to keep the 'me' I present to them in this certain 'mold'.  If i had it my way I would just move away and not talk to them for a year.  BUt part of me feels like I need to find a partner and have kids just to satisfy my mother.  

Our parents are the ones who are always there for us! They nourish us with the best of love they can provide! But that is not necessarily the best thing we can get in life!

Tyler, you have already chosen the convenience of living in your parents territory and you should accept the fact that the more you stay connected to your past, the harder will get the act of Transformation/Transmutation, if that has ever been on the agenda in your life.

Posted by: @nous

I also feel like because my father is a very hands on, mechanically oriented person...not very analytical or intelligent when it comes to the bigger picture of life and humanity/spirituality/emotions/human psychology/etc.etc.etc., he looks at me like a total failure.. I have so often been inspired to do things with my mind, I loved writing growing up, and any of these ideas I would talk about were just ignored.  So I feel like instead of pursuing these interests I have developed a habit of shooting myself down, I assumed the world was what my father thought, and that all of my ideas and really the knowledge I was aquiring was useless.  And to this day I feel like I dumb myself down when I am in his presence. 

Tyler, you are here talking about two different generations. This could be the situation for many people who are waking up from this reality! Finding their beloved ones still connected to the matrix and totally asleep.But let us look at this matter from evolution point of view! You're transcending those aspect of consciousness which your father dimmed in his whole life...and you cannot accomplish that unless you unplug from the source. This is the very fact about the art of transmutation or alchemy. This is just like meditation, you cannot attain stillness while taking part in every game that your mind plays with you 🙂

I guess more recently I have started to really understand that, contrary to what I would like to believe about my father, he just has a very limited perception of his world.  Growing up whenever I would suggest this I was guilted into thinking I was just a naïve and cynical 'punk'.  I guess it is true what they say, that you cannot offer a 'fool' the truth, because the truth will drive them mad.  There is some deep underlying reason why they choose to view the world the way they do.  They might not even be conscious of it themselves.  So really there is just no talking to them.  And this really saddened me growing up and realizing it all over again, it saddens me now.  

To provide your father with the "Truth", first you need to accept & live the "Truth" fully yourself. To change our parents, we need to change our inner image of our parents first. To change that inner image, we need to disconnect from the external image 🙂 So living in our parents territory comes with high costs for those of us who are seeking their true self.

This is again yet another principle of alchemy. Of course it is not easy! but it is not impossible either.

Posted by: @nous

we were feeling the exact same thing and at the exact same time.  Maybe this is how sex is for everyone, and maybe it isn't tantric sex, but reading the descriptions of tantric sex, it sounded just like what I experienced.  

That is the starting point in Tantric sex. It's much more to explore about it.

Posted by: @nous

have to say throughout my life I always felt like, well, I am a male so it is often thought impossible for a male to be a 'slut', but as far as 'love' goes, I always had trouble with the idea of monogamy or a soul mate... because I always thought to myself 'I could literally love anyone'  And reading about tantric sex I see this is common in a lot of tantric circles.  People seem to have this tantric sexual experience just for this experience of unity, and who they are or who the other person is, is peripheral, it doesn't really matter.  I always have craved this I think... I just associated the craving with a deviant promiscuity or a desire to conquer many women.  But now I see it as more of a craving for this unity, this connection, this remembrance, a recognition of this love that we forget exists which permeates self and other infinitely, always.  

The fact that we all got a strong life force in this universe to experience it to the most and share it through love & experience of unity, is an inevitable truth. Talking about this life force and the art of Tantra, There are three energy channels along the spine, Ida (-), Pingala (+) and Sushumna (0). The whole purpose of doing Tantric sex is to channel the sexual energy to the Sushumna and utilize it for the art of alchemy and transmutation. Thats where the True unity to be experienced. This of course happens very shortly at the moment of physical orgasm as well, but the energy just touches the base of Sushumna and leaks out of the Sacral chakra.

Posted by: @nous

Submissive person entices the dominant person with the illusion of control when ultimately the submissive person is controlling their experience and the dominant person loses control both in the pursuit and in the final release. Almost as if this unity that is experienced, is consciously choreographing each persons behavior, a sort of possession.  And tantric sex, is our way of experiencing the unity without being unconsciously possessed/guided/manipulated. 

Sounds like how these physical flesh designed to work. You put it very well here. All we need is more light, more consciousness which is the source of true liberation!


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Tyler
(@nous)
Active Member
Joined: 7 months ago
Posts: 7
24/12/2020 1:14 am  

Well.  I don't know how I even ended up in this situation again... Had to of been just pure hormones controlling my perspective and thinking.  I honestly don't know how to control this anymore.   My ex must of gave me some dumb reason why she needed a place to stay when she came to town for christmas, me being full of hormones said ' yeah you can stay here '... two nights of incredible sex later and I am completely over it.  I  feel drained, I feel like I am ruining my days and my opportunities to get real work done on my business.  Feel like I am distracted. BUT, I know if I didn't allow her to come over, and if I didn't have sex with her, I would be sitting here just as distracted from my work because I didn't.  It really feels like there is a balance that I am just not finding.  And, it really feels like my soul is just yearning for a partner who would actually help me in this life and be beneficial all around instead of a distraction.  This girl is amazing when it comes to sex, but as soon as I get my fill I just want nothing to do with her.  She's lazy, unmotivated, cynical, etc etc etc.  

I literally look back after I have had sex and got it out of my system and I think of the thoughts I had when I was craving sex and I just don't even recognize that person.  Now I have to try and tolerate this girl until she leaves in 6 days.  Gonna be a long 6 days. 


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photonSphere
(@photonsphere)
New Member
Joined: 11 months ago
Posts: 3
01/02/2021 7:05 am  
Posted by: @nous

Well.  I don't know how I even ended up in this situation again... Had to of been just pure hormones controlling my perspective and thinking.  I honestly don't know how to control this anymore. 

I feel you deeply, brother! Been there, done that and still stroll without resting. The following, please read carefully. May i share my opinion to that please? Thank you ❤️ 

Posted by: @nous

honestly don't know how to control this anymore

 

One is never in control. One never was and never will be. It's the Illusion! Also in submissive or dominant, active or passive terms!

 

There is no such thing as control and balance can't be unless I create it. The suffering continues regardless of every action One takes consciously or unconsciously. The problem being caught in that is because One is making it a problem. To set oneself free;  from those multi-level desires, mental tortures and mind traps; One is witnessing on the path to liberation; One must accept first all of it. Everything that is in relation, the good, the bad and in between. Moving from here it takes tremendous courage but it wont get better, easier or more desirable. One will feel more intensely "the lack" and "the abundance". Those are now in focus and in between the duality one must learn to dance.

Technically it will look like that:.....

                                                 ......

     (left)      You are fucking horny and you need Sex right now, if not possible, masturbate the hell out of you, that you'll feel.

                                                                                              VS.

    (right)     Emotionpackage (incl. anger, frustration,confusion self pity, righteousness, why me? WTF? etc... into all Infinity) that you'll feel.

                                                                                              VS.

    (center)   You observe the whole presence without clinging to achieve anything. Draw out every aspect, simultaneously honor &                   appreciate the plain existence of being able to feel all of it. That'll shake you mad. 😉 

               

                                                                    That's the loop. A loop that can't be broken.

The way "IS" only "in/out" 😜 and "IS" in the center of that above written and Oneself. Learn to shape the loop till One witnesses the metamorphosis of the loop into a "Spiral" with an current out/in. Spiral in, Spiral out. Upward current = downward current. Between the two, One dances. Doing not doing.

Posted by: @psybernaut

Ida (-), Pingala (+) and Sushumna (0).

                                                           > > One will disappear "in it" OR "it will disappear into Oneself " <<

The liberation one is seeking "IS". That's not to be understood on the level of mind. It's the infinite invisible dance One need to learn dancing.

 

In practice it will look like that :

 

Be kind to yourself. Breathe and tune into it in every moment sensations arise. Have the discipline to be direct and clear. Notice every detail and enjoy all of it! Get amongst it with the intention of healing yourself.        

Posted by: @psybernaut

All we need is more light, more consciousness which is the source of true liberation!

I'm aware of what I just wrote is quite radical, but in my opinion there is no other "precise" way (please enlighten me if there is) than developing a passive actively calm awareness to grow on your challenge. It's getting better the more you practice but be sure it'll never stop!

Finding the balance and tools to use is the journey and not a destination. I hope that'll clear some fog and lead to some lightness while reading.

may light & lightness be with you  ❤️                                                   

 

 

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psybernaut
(@psybernaut)
Active Member
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 6
14/02/2021 11:12 am  
Posted by: @photonsphere

I'm aware of what I just wrote is quite radical, but in my opinion there is no other "precise" way (please enlighten me if there is) than developing a passive actively calm awareness to grow on your challenge. It's getting better the more you practice but be sure it'll never stop!

Finding the balance and tools to use is the journey and not a destination. I hope that'll clear some fog and lead to some lightness while reading.

Absolutely! The challenges we face in life are all fine-tuned experiences according to our past deeds (mentally.emotionally,physically) and are the exact same lessons we need to take at each and every moments!

As you put it very well, striving to stay relatively AWARE and CONSCIOUS about the experience itself (HERE & NOW) is the only key to the TRUE liberation! There is no "Precise" path whatsoever ... There are just generic guidelines you can extract from different systems but ultimately it is on each individual to calibrate one's own journey and understanding of life by establishing equilibrium between one's inner worlds and the outer worlds....


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Vivien
(@sunshine)
New Member
Joined: 5 months ago
Posts: 0
20/02/2021 1:12 am  
How sad for her. She may still be in love you. You speak as if trying to control your appetite. Perhaps try fasting to increase your will power. Camel position to open up your heart.

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